Order and structure and red peppers

Yeah, I'm here, sort of. Lacking time, absorbed by work -it would really help if Google made a Blackberry-friendly version of Blogger so I could post and check all your blogs during my long commutes... But lacking motivation as well, as whenever I try to write a personal update I feel overwhelmed by everything that has happened to me since the previous entry and I'm supposed to give you an account of...

So guess what? I'll leave that for some other time. Let's just say that I'm fine. I've spent these last days off cleaning, tidying up, reorganizing everything in my shitty tiny studio, even sorting out my bank mail since 2005... I need order and structure, both at home and in my mind. I'm working on it, and I feel it's paying off, really. Tidying up thoroughly, I found some hidden mementos, half of which I decided to get rid of as those events and moments they were supposed to make me remember I know I'll never forget anyway. And I also found the p of p-e-a-c-e o-f m-i-n-d, that's a beginning. In many ways, I still haven't figured out where my heart is, or where my head is, but I have a guess now. Does that make sense? No. Who cares. I feel better. Not so weak. Not at such a loss. That's a beginning. The other day, one of my co-workers gave me a keyhole compass some guest left behind, and now I wear it symbolically attached to my uniform pants. Apparently, its arrow doesn't really point north, but who cares, I'm not planning to go there anyway.

What's really encouraging is to see that whenever I squeeze a new post in, you guys show me you're still there. Thank you for that unconditional support. And to thank you, here's a treat: model Courtney Grant gracing the current issue of DNA with his... red peppers [via ACDG, more pics there].